wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
