There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
