Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
