i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
