I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just google imaged poop.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
