Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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