I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
