I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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