Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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