A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
