Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
