hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
