Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
