Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
