I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
