He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
