I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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