Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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