i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
