big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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