Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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