youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
