Don't you send me to vm
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
