If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
