wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
