It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
