Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I came so hard my ears popped.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
