I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
