worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
