I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
