His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
