Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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