My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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