I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
