I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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