I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
