did you get engaged???
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
