every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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