You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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