can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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