it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
