i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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