i already hear my dad disowning me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
