I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
