so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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