The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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