So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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