I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
