I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
