I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
