CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
