You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
